Note to self:

Must stop letting the things* I don’t have overshadow all the wonderful things I do have.

*Things being material as well as immaterial

Despite the warming spring weather, I find I’m still a hostage of the Winter Blues.  I would love nothing more than to shed this ridiculously ill-fitting funk that I’ve been in for the past four or five months, but therein lies the problem…identifying the problem? Seriously. What exactly is my problem?

I have an exciting new-ish life in Paris, a boyfriend with whom I am the most happy I’ve ever been, a job (no adjective needed; in these days and times, just having a job is reason enough to rejoice), I’m learning French at le Sorbonne, I have amazingly wonderful family and friends, and above all else I am as healthy as a horse.

So, why then can’t I stop this incessant fretting over the things I don’t have? Is my priority gauge completely out of whack? How does one go about resetting this internal gauge? Is that what religion is for? Family…? Am I in need of a shock treatment?

It’s been said that the people we allow to enter our close circle serve as a mirror through which our values, ambitions, selves are reflected.  Unfortunately, my “mirrors” live an ocean away. But should I be able to – on my own – take a good, hard look at myself? Maybe not. Maybe I need my friends and family more than I thought.  Maybe I need a good, strong slap in the face. Cue best friend, sister, and mother…

Or should I give in? Is the constant internal nagging what spurs us to achieve more? If I’m unsatisfied with what I have am I ungrateful or ambitious? Unappreciative or motivated?

My dad refers to these moods of mine as “stress bubbles.” So, with no one but myself inflating my stress bubble, where am I to find an industrial-sized needle?

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